"А теперь, патриоты, расскажите как мне надо было объяснять этой американке ПОЧЕМУ?"
- well, this is sort of a rhetorical non- question....
If she adopted a child this age from Russian orphanage, it is only safe to assume this child was either neglected or abused (or,most likely,both) , or somewhow traumatised in the institution. Most kids this age, just like the "returned" kid are suffering from attachment disorder and/or PTSD. So, the question is not "why", there is absolutely no answer to a question "why child abuse exist", but rather - "how" - How do we get this child into intensive therapy, wheter it's music, art therapy ( those are very effective for kids with trauma), and what parenting strategies do parents need to employ to help heal this trauma.

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Happy New Year to all! Virtual hugs!