Three black ladies are getting ready to take a plane trip for the first time in their life..
The first lady said, 'I don't know bout youse but I'm gunna wear me sum hot pink panties before I get on that plane.'
'Why you gonna wear them for?' the other two asked.
The first replied, 'Coz, if that plane goes down and I'm out there laying butt-up in a cornfield, they gonna find me first.'
The second lady said, 'Well, I'm gonna wear some fluro orange panties.'
'Why you gonna wear them?' the others asked.
The second lady answered, 'Cause if this bloody plane is goin' down and I be floating butt-up in the sea, they can see me first.'
The third lady says, 'Well, I'm not gonna wear any panties.....'
'What? No panties?' the others asked in disbelief.
The third lady says, 'That's right mate, you heards me right. I ain&39; any panties, 'coz if any plane goes down they always look for the black box first!

A sheila walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to do her taxreturn.

The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." He gets her name, address, tax file number, etc. and then asks, "What is your occupation?"
"I'm a whore," she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "No, No, No, that won't work. Let's try to rephrase that."
The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl."
"No, that still won't work. Try again."
They both think for a moment and the woman says, "I'm a chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?"
"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."
"No worries, he says, chicken farmer it is."

I just read an article on the dangers of heavy drinking...Scared me. So that's it! After today, no more reading.

An elderly bloke was invited to an old mate's home for dinner one evening.
He was amazed by the way his mate preceded every request to his missus with endearing terms such as: Darling, Honey, My Love, Pumpkin, Sweetheart, etc..
The couple had been married almost 50 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.
When the missus went back to the kitchen to get more beers for the blokes, the old bloke leaned over to his host, and said: "I think it's mucking afazing that, after all these years, you still call your missus those loving pet names."
The old bloke hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said. "Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, -- and I'm scared to death to ask the old bitch what it is."

Bruce to his mate: I love to watch my wedding video in reverse. I especially love the part where she takes her ring off and
walks down the isle backwards, gets in the car and fucks off.

Bruce and Sheila had been going out with each other for a long time.
Urged on by their mates, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, Bruce decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.
'I would like it infrequently' she replied.
Bruce sat quietly for a moment, had another sip of his beer, leaned over towards her and whispered -
'Is that one word or two?'

АВСТРАЛИЯ. Институт экономики и мира опубликовал исследование о глобальном «индексе миролюбия» за период с 2007 по 2011 год. В первую десятку самых миролюбивых стран вошли Исландия, Новая Зеландия, Япония, Дания, Чехия, Австрия, Финляндия, Канада, Норвегия, Словения. По этому показателю Россия занимает 147-е место из 153. Австралия - 18 место, Великобритания - 26. Индекс учитывает различные факторы, в том числе уровень насилия в стране и ее международные отношения.
Таблицу можно посмотреть тут
********gtmarket.ru/ratings/global-peace-index/global-peace-index-info

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Максим Леонидов - Привет

почему не нужна энциклопедия? тот говорит: "я недавно женился на руссксой, она знает все!!!!
Вот ведь,а у нас 60 томов этой Британики...надо будет продать,чего зря пылиться...пусть Австралы хоть расширяют свой кругозор,что лЬ*-) :-D

2 блондинки нашли на дороге пудренницу. Одна открыла, смотрит в зеркальце и говорит
- ух ты!!! знакомая фотография..
Другая посмотрела и говорит:
- дура!!! так это же я.

а про блондинов анекдот
стоит на посту гаец- блондин....останавливает блондинку
Ваши права
Та роется в сумке--ни хрена найти не может--- подает *какую-то ихнююю штуковину--тушь ..пудреницу--
Блондин ---
-Ну что вы сразу не сказали, что вы тоже * *милиционэр!!!!

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Человек понимает только то, что сможет понять